I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
