Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
