now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
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All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
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Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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