Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
