how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
