no, he came in my armpit
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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