I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
