how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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