I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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