Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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