did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
