New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
