i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
