Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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