Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
