Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
