Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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