people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
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