I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
