He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
