I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
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