had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
