I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
