I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
