Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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