M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
