are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
