Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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