what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
