we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
