Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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