woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
