Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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