I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Randomize
