So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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