Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
There are leaves in my underwear?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
