I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
