it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
