Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
found the other keg... it's in the tree
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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