I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
