Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
