but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it's great music for shaving your balls
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
