Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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