I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
