I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
