i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
