i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
