Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
