Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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