Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
