Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
