Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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