You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
