please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
