one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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