i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
false alarm, still single
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
