somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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