so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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