how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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