my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
