Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
