i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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