i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
