Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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