he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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