I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
