Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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