she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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