hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
