So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
